what came before
tell me you're watching me
Thursday, September 19, 200209:40 p.m. moving!
www.livejournal.com/users/sorenson
Tuesday, September 17, 200212:11 a.m. bleak
hm. feeling the living alone thing today in a way that i mos tly don't. do you know i haven't laid eyes on a real person all day? barely even stepped outside the house. talked on the phone, of course, wrote email, talked to my animals and admired my rain drenched and perky herbs in pots. somehow still feel very alo ne.
reading az's blog i'm a feeling a lot of resonance here. no point doing the whole "me too" thing, though. just feeling kind of overwhelmed by the task that i have set myself. wonde ring why the hell i have chosen to do something every day that i find so incredibly difficult. why the hell didn't i just be a botanist, all those years ago? would it have been just the same? probably. the problem is not so much in the work itself as in t he doing of the work.
and sure i have friends but today m. was cranky and a. was self-absorbed and even j. didn't sound particularly pleased to hear from me and yes i can be and often am all these things so there is nothing to complain about, just a vague feeling of isolation...s Monday, September 16, 200210:04 a.m. indulgences
for instance, today it is much easier to contemplate sitting in my study all day than it was last week when my garden was calling me. now i can sit inside, snug while i listen to the rain and the cars whoosh past and my next door neighbour laughing on her front porch, thinking warmly about how good the rain is for my garden. it's hard not to fall into bed though...
probably because that was some weekend that i just had - busy, emotional, too much beer. i was so tired last night that i couldn't even make it to the end of terminator 2. but even though i am tired today, i am calm. things are ok. not perfect, not even great, just ok. and i am happy with that, because ok is reassuring after the highs and lows of the last two months or so.
i have to say that i am a bit bored by how self indulgent this blog has become. i am not totally sure why i am writing here, especially when i have hardly been writing in my diary at all (which is more properly where this kind of rambling belongs). then again, blogs are inherently self indulgent, whichever way you look at it, whether you are indulging your politics or your fan practices or your everyday life (the latter being me). so maybe i should stop worrying about it and indulge myself away. it's just that sometimes it feels like too much rich food...as with all indulgences i start to feel a bit sick after a while, which is probably why i write here so sporadically.
now i really ought to go indulge my bloody thesis. oh man, i am shitting myself about it...
i've succumbed to the livejournal lure. you can now find my ramblings at
just finished watching the final episode of six feet under. bleak. cliffhanger. my last favourite tv show hits the dust - no buffy, no angel, no six feet, and no housemates to distract me.
raining today. this blog is beginning to feel a bit like a weather report channel. but it is true - the weather is important in my life. i notice it - it affects my mood, how i choose to spend my day, how i feel about the world.